My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
