nut hugger
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
