Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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