the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
