I hate your face
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
