So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
