i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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