I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i think i just naturally attract stoners
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
