I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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