dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
