I hate your face
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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