Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
