the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
