and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
