in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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