I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
