hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
