I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
