I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
