I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
