OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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