Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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