Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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