bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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