Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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