I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
