just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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