do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
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You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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