Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
