if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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