I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
