my mouth tastes like poor choices
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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