she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
