get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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