I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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