Christians are straight up FREAKS
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
