I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
