Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
