going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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