Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
