Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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