I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dear god my vagina.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
