No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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