Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
