Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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