you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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