that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
