whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
