My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
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I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
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Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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