I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize