And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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