By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
