I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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