Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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