What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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