my phone needs a breathalizer
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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