just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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