bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
