just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
