Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
