I wish i was in the wii world.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
