Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
